3 Reasons Why Panda’s Are A Terrible Investment

Imagine that you are walking down the street, just fresh from a visit to your bank to make a deposit. Your thoughts turn toward the usual: “How can I make my money grow faster?”. Your state of mind is perfectly ripe for one of the greatest con jobs of all time. Just then a guy in a long trench coat sidles up to you, opens the left side of his trench and hands you a brochure, all the while “shushing” you with a finger in front of pursed lips.

“Are you looking for a home-run, can’t miss investment opportunity?” he asks ever so shadily. “Well…” you mutter and he knows he has a fish on the line.

Then he starts talking about…Pandas. Yes, the black and white furry balls of cuteness exhibited around the world in zoos.


Luckily, you have recently met with your financial wealth coach and have trained your ears to really hear what this huckster is saying. Through the filter of wisdom you hear the following:

“Are you looking for a million dollar investment, with almost no hope for any kind of gain? Then look no further for we have just the investment for your hard earned capital, and that is, yes, Pandas! These majestic creatures must be worth a fortune because people all over the world visit zoos who have them. The fact that there are so few Pandas in the world means they are more valuable than GOLD! Still not convinced these little fleabags will make you any money? We will throw in a fake neckbeard with every purchase!”

Well, you have successfully seen through the con and remember from your conversation with your coach that there are three reasons why you probably should not invest in Pandas. Let’s revisit them.

1.) Pandas simply do not hold their value!

With the hype of a new panda at the local zoo, many people flock to see these furry faced fluff balls. After the magic and awe factor of watching them chew on bamboo and make squeaky sounds, Panda’s lose their appeal because, in reality, they do not really do anything other than…Sit. All. Day. Long. Indeed, any worker who doesn’t pull their weight on a team is simply not an asset.

2.) It cost’s BIG money for zoos to rent them!

That’s right, many of those cutie pie panda’s you see chewing on gourmet, hard-to-find bamboo shoots while they politely poop themselves, are actually rented from the Chinese government for $1 million per year. You cannot buy a panda at all due to a law change in 1982, and if you are lucky enough to have a leased Panda give birth, then you have to pay $600,000 per cub born in order to keep your lease. With a price tag like that, would you still Pander to China in order to get a panda?

3.) Upkeep costs will lose you money!

Pandas are expensive enough with the rental fees alone, but what hurts the prospective Panda owner more? The maintenance and upkeep of a Panda over its lifetime can cost well in excess of $20 million dollars if you add up the cost of rent, food (which consists of specialty bamboo and costs around $100,000 per year not to mention the fact that it has to be imported) and wages for the zoo staff. As cute as these little fluff balls can be, one would be hard-pressed to spend that kind of money on a showpiece pet with no hope of return. I mean can you imagine the cleaning bill for an animal that eats 100 pounds of bamboo every day?

What You Should Do Instead

In short, a wise investor like yourself should steer clear of pandas, unless you feel like committing an international crime and poaching one, in which case we would plead ignorance and pretend not to know you. Plus, you would incriminate yourself anyway if you tried to make money off it.

It is far better to be a safe investor and stick with stocks and bonds. If you really want the joy of knowing you helped a panda, why not consider adopting? The minimum cost of panda adoption starts at $1,000 dollars, you don’t make money off them, but the cute pictures the agency sends you will still melt all your friend’s hearts on Facebook.

If you agree, please comment below or share on Facebook!

Photos: Pixabay, Meme: FunnyBeing.com

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